I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
