I molested 6 butterflies tonight
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
