I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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