Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
