I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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