And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Umm I'm too high to move.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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