life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
