Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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