What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
