Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I wish I only lived at night.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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