if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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