don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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