She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
