I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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