So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
