Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
