just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
