last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Randomize
