Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
