My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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