Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
