Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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