I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm too high and old for this...
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
