How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
