Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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