So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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