woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
