You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
We smell like vodka and hangover
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