He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
