Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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