there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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