We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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