No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
