This girl is more easily done than said...
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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