That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
