I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
