They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
