found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
