dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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