You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
there's paper in my vomit.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Randomize
