So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
