bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
