Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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