my soul wont recognize me after tonight
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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