I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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