dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
