Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize