I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
