it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
