Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I've blown a few things in my day
Little spoons don't ask big questions
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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