We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
