i will never coherently bang her
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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