The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Actions speak louder than pants.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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