i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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