I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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