..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize