My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
