end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
