do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize