morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
