with your own penis?
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
