I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
