THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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