I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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