he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
