So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
even my farts smell like vagina
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
